Originally posted July 4, 2006

I once read that 1 in 3 Americans will know someone or know of someone who has or had cancer. Maybe that statistic is off and I wish I could remember the exact number but it was something like that and for all intents and purposes, I’m sticking with it here.

I’m close to my family. I am the youngest of 6 kids and grew up in your fairly traditional Hispanic Catholic home. Church every Sunday. No meat on Fridays during Lent which explains my intense dislike for all things fishy. By the time I came around, my family had moved from Texas to Kansas in search of a better life. Having said that, I grew up in a mostly English speaking house especially where my siblings were concerned. Whenever my parents didn’t want me to know something they’d talk in Spanish and immediately I grew bored with the conversation and moved on to something else.

Today finds that my family has swelled to 23. Each one of us has moved on to our respective lots in life. Some of us are married, some are not. Some have kids, some dont. And sadly some of us have experienced the loss of a child. We get together for holidays and laugh ourselves silly with the games we play. We come together as a unit when we experience a loss and console each other the best way we know how. I can’t imagine life any other way to be honest.

Last Friday I learned that one of my sisters had a lump in her breast and the biopsy showed pre-cancerous cells. My heart sunk when I heard her say those words. In an instant it brought me back to earlier in this year when I found a lump in my breast and had to go in for a mammogram to see what it was. I was a bundle of nerves waiting to get examined and waiting to hear the final report. Thankfully it was just a pocket of fat and was told by my doctor that it is common for young women to have those in her breast tissue. I know exactly where it is and believe me when I say that every month I check it to see if there are any changes.

When I was a freshman in college my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I couldn’t function for awhile after that as the thought of losing my mom at the tender age of 18 was incomprehensible. Who was going to help me on my wedding day? Who was going to be there when I had my babies? As many battles as I had with her growing up, in that instant I realized just how much she meant to me and how I wasn’t ready to be a grown woman. She has been cancer free for several years and I am forever grateful for that.

It was around that time when I heard the statistic of knowing someone who has had cancer. I thought to myself then that I am now a part of that statistic and if I never knew anyone else, that the one person I did know was one person too many. This experience will serve as a reminder to all the women in my family, young and old, to do the monthly self checks and the yearly pap tests because the word cancer has reared its ugly head once again.

I am thankful that my sister will be ok. She is looking foward to meeting her grandson when her daughter, my niece, Nicole, gives birth to a baby boy any day now making our family reach 24 members strong. And while we don’t see eye to eye on every subject, we are a unit that works for a common goal: unity.

to sweat like a whore in church. Or if you prefer, sweat like a gerbil in a gay bar. Either way, it’s damn hot outside and humid to boot.

Another quiet night at the homestead.

I miss Boo.

Originally posted July 3, 2006

Originally posted July 2, 2006

Tonights posting finds me childless.

Boo stayed in “The Grove” with Mimi and Papa (my parents) while Terry and I both have to work on Monday. The babysitter, Melissa, is taking Monday as a paid personal day and obviously she’s taking Tuesday off as a paid holiday. A lot of times I wish my current job would afford me so many paid holidays off but I won’t go there. She does an excellent job of taking care of Boo and I feel totally secure knowing that she is in good care while I’m working for The Man.

The weekend was a success. We arrived at Grammy and Papaws house (Terry’s parents) on Saturday shortly after 1:30 and by the 2pm had rolled around, my dear sweet child was skinny dipping in their pool. She has this thing for shedding her clothes if given half the chance and the thought scares the crap out of me. Will she be like this forever? Is this just a passing phase? Will I one day come flying out of the front door chasing after her in pink cowboy boots and nothing else?

We shot off some fireworks before and after Chris and his family got into town. The beauty of being in a small town is that the fireworks laws are fairly lax. No loud booms after 9pm. It doesn’t say anything about any loud screeches of flaming cardboard rocketing in the air towards the neighbors house, which we did plenty of. We also had a pluthera of loud pops thrown in for good measure. One can never be too cautious.

Fast forward a few hours and we made it thru Sunday morning breakfast with my mom. No f-bombs thank God. We spent all day at the park and several hours in the pool as well. Yours truly has a sunburn. Who knew brown kids could get sunburned????? Shortly thereafter we dropped the munchkin off at my moms and headed back to Ottawa.

The house is too quiet.

I miss her “MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!” and demanding every minute of my attention that she can get. I miss her crawling into my lap and snuggling in while we read books and hearing her say “Again!” after reading Goodnight Moon for the 3rd time. I miss our night time ritual where we whisper to each other about our day and more often than not me tickling her until she collapses in giggles. I miss saying good night to her and kissing her eyelids shut and the tip of her button nose.

Parenting is hard work. For those of you who are parents I know you all agree with me wholeheartedly. It is also so rewarding to get that unconditional love back in return, 10 fold. I feel guilty leaving her at Melissa’s. If there was a way I could stay at home with her I would.

But I can’t.

I’m going to try to enjoy the 2 days without her, for me. It may sound selfish but when she comes back to me on Tuesday, I want my soul to be refreshed. I, like everyone else, need ME time. A chance to read a magazine article from start to finish, work on her journal that I started when I found out I was pregnant with her, sit in total silence and not do a damn thing but breathe.

I know that I am lucky to have someone at home who can take her if she becomes too much of a handful. Someone who will allow me to walk away and close the door behind me so I can count to 10 instead of doing something I might regret. I admire the single parents out there who DON’T have that luxury I do. I honestly don’t know how you do it, but you do. You have to, ya know?

But when she comes home on Tuesday and I get home from work, I will see those beautiful brown eyes shining as she comes running to the door to greet me. She will smother me in kisses and I will hug her close and know that when we have to part ways for whatever reason, the homecoming will be so sweet.

Originally posted June 30, 2006

It was bound to happen.

I know this. I accept this. I knew it was just a matter of time before a certain word would slip past Boo’s lips and hang in the air like a balloon with a slow leak. It happened tonight as a matter of fact. The three of us had just got home from work or from daycare and we were deciding what the night would have in store for us. I’m sitting on the floor leaning against the couch while Terry is sitting at his desk going thru his message boards. Boo is chattering away like a normal 2 year old does. Life is good. Then she happens to drop something and says:

“Fuck.”

Not only does she say fuck, but she says it THREE times!!! because she kept dropping whatever it was she was after. My eyes shot directly over to where Terry was sitting and he’s covering his mouth with his hand trying his best to stiffle a laugh. I shot him a death ray that said ‘are you happy you taught her the F-bomb???’

Immediately I was faced with a problem. Do I, say nothing and hope that she forgets that little tidbit from her ever expanding vocabulary, secretly praying that she doesn’t drop it again in front of the Virgin Mary herself, my mom, this weekend? Or, do correct her and tell her she can’t say that bad word and run the risk of reinforcing it in her spongelike mind?

Meanwhile, Terry is still stiffling a laugh.

I will FULLY admit to teaching her the word “shit”. I remember the day she dropped that little peach in front of my mom like it was yesterday. It was Christmas 2004. My entire family is in the livingroom of my mom and dads and she was learning how to walk and talk at the same time. All eyes were upon her and there were words of encouragement to take the leap of faith and walk unaided. For whatever reason all of us stopped talking at once and as she bent over to pick up something she had dropped she said “shit”. Instantly I felt all eyes on me and my brother says something along the lines of ‘Did she say what I just thought she said?’ My mother of course was standing in the doorway leading from the kitchen to the livingroom and witnessed the whole thing. I felt like a schmuck.

So here we are getting ready to go back to visit the parental units this weekend. We’re staying at my mom’s house Saturday night while Chris and Angela are in town. If I can make it past Sunday morning breakfast without her dropping any bombs, I will consider the weekend a total success.

Originally posted June 29, 2006

So I’ve been doing this blogging thing for 4 days and I’m totally impressed by the fact that I’ve done it that long. Admittedly I sometimes have the attention span of a gnat so for me to be still writing in this is somewhat monumentous. Plus it gets me back to my old days of writing. Here lately I’ve been introspective about my life and the people in my life. I’m sure it has a lot to do with Peanuts accident and how horribly things could have gone. That said, here is an introduction and brief explanation of the cast of characters in my daily life. This is mainly for those who read this from out of state and know me only thru the internet.

Terry – My husband of nearly 10 years. Not 9, but !10! years. It has been a marriage of good times and bad times and some really fucking horrible times but we’re still together. Some days I wonder how we put up with each other but on the other hand, I can’t imagine life any other way. Together we’ve had 3 kids but only had the pleasure of bringing 1 home. The other two, Dylan and Erica, have moved on to another life and not a day goes by when I don’t think about them. My heart is heavy in April, the anniversary of their birthday and passing simultaneously. But, I get out of bed everyday because of ….

Boo. She is the absolute light of my life. She is everything and more I ever wanted in a child. I love our night time ritual when its time to go to bed. We always spend some quiet time just whispering back and forth about our day. We count to 10, we say our ABC’s, and point to body parts. I find it so totally incredible to watch her learn. She makes me look at life in a different way and really appreciate the small simple stuff even more. My love for her knows no boundaries and even tho that may sound corny, it is the God’s honest truth. Someone near and dear to me once told me that the love of a child is unparralleled and he was right. I can’t even begin to count the nights when I wake up and watch her breathe. She completes me.

Julia. My partner in crime at work. I’ve sat beside her in our office, or as some would call it, Gossip Central, for 4 years now. Life has a funny way of having people come into your life for whatever reason and I’ve come to the conclusion she is the one who makes me more aware of my spiritual side. Because of her, I believe in Karma.

Craig. Otherwise known as Peanut, Jackass, Petunia, and a host of other names. Julia calls him my work spouse because we talk so much and have similiar work schedules. I think of him more as a brother and he constantly refers to me as an old timer because I’m 5 months older than he is. I think its important for everyone to have someone they can talk to without fear of being judged. One of the funniest things he ever said to me was last week when we went out for cat on a stick. We were standing in the parking lot of China Cafe and he says to me, ” I can fart around you and not think anything about it because I’m not trying to crack your panties.” With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Karina. Affectionately known as Ecuadorian Love Burrito. She was penned with that name some 8 years ago and it stuck. She is one of my closest true friends that I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. We’ve laughed ourselves silly more than I can remember and I wouldn’t dare change a thing. She’s the only female that can call me a whore and not worry about me bitch slapping her.

For now, that is the main list. I know I will add on to it as time goes and stories pop up. As it is, I hope this provides a clear picture of some of the people in my life who are important to me. It is my hope that I have painted a good picture of each one.

Originally posted June 28, 2006

My computer. Right now my feelings towards it is that it is a GIANT asshole. Tempermental is also a good word for it. I’m more than mildly annoyed by the fact that it takes so damn long to start up. I really don’t have a lot of background stuff going on and I do maintain it on a regular basis, so why it is acting like a giant asshole is beyond me.

Allergies. They were bugging me yesterday and today I’m still singing the same song. I did go get cracked today by my chiro and he suggested that my sinuses could be affected by me being out of whack. Who knew?!?!? All I know is that I have another appointment for my “fix” next Wednesday and I’m already jonesin.

Traffic. Holy Mother of God, I can’t even begin to cover all of the people who were driving like old people fuck: slow and sloppy.

My neighbors. Every time I see them “Dueling Banjos” comes to mind. They said they’re from Florida but I’m totally betting on the fact that they’re from Arkansas.

Tomorrow is Thursday. One more day closer to Friday. Hot damn!

Originally posted June 27,2006

Allergies suck great big donkey balls.

Or maybe they blow great big donkey balls. Either way, I’m not happy about having them and today is no exception. I’m hoping that we’ll have a hard freeze tomorrow to kill whatever is making my nose run and my eyes burn. Of course I know that won’t happen but I can dream the dream.

Poppa is coming over tomorrow to see Boo. The one thing I learned about parenthood is that Terry and I no longer matter… its all about Boo.

(phone rings) “Hello?”

“How’s Boo?”

“She’s fine. So am I for that matter…” and so it goes. Nevermind the fact that I am her mother and I gave her life. I have been reduced to chopped liver.

Oddly enough, today I feel like it.

Originally posted June 26,2006

I’ve thought about doing this blogging thing a million times but thats just it…. thought about it. By God, today I’m doing something about it!

I really don’t anything too profound to say today. Imagine that, me without words. I did just get finished reading an article from the Washington Post about Barfy Spears, otherwise known as Britney. It was mildly amusing and almost makes me sad that I missed the train wreck of an interview on Dateline. You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.

Boo is good. She had a busy weekend of playing and being damn cute. This upcoming weekend finds us making another trek to the motherland, aka, “The Grove” to celebrate 4th of July. A good time should be had by all, I hope. If not, I’m sure I’ll post about it here. Maybe not.

I gotta quit being so indecisive.

Btw… Peanut, I am so glad you walked away from the wreck on Saturday. Not everyone can say they walked away from a head on collision… its usually much more worse. As much of a GIANT pain in the ass you are to me, I can’t imagine not tormenting you on a daily basis at work. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again in black and white, this is your one week free pass!! I promise not to antagonize you… much.

I am so done with my old Yahoo 360 blog spot.

I’m hoping this new site will allow me to do more fun stuff with my blog. I suppose time will tell on that front. I’m hoping to transfer my old stuff from Yahoo over here and delete that place all together. One thing is for sure, this site is a work in progress.

Stay tuned and thanks for following me over here.